My Colour Of Life

  On the December 13th, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety by the doctor. How did I know? Constantly worried, mood changes, feeling not good enough for anybody. Suicidal thoughts? I never think of suicidal but there is a sentence keep on playing in my mind. " One cut, will solve everything". I know I have to seek help because I don't feel comfortable with myself. I can't stop thinking about what had happen in the past. I can't control my sadness. There's time I have to stop by the roadside because of anxiety. There are times, I felt like I want a car to hit me so that I do not have to go to work. There are also times that I just want to be alone and cry. How many years I have been living with this problem? 5 years. Doctor first question yesterday, why now? Why you don't reach out to us sooner. I have been sharing with my circles about this and they say that I was carried away with my feelings. I can't validate my feelings. I scared that if I k

I t's been a long time since my last post. While doing some of the works, I just feel like writing something. It has been a week of the new year and I guess it's not too late to wish all of you a Happy New Year.  On this New Year, may you change your direction and not dates, change your commitments and not the Calendar, change your attitude and not the actions, and bring about a change in your faith, your force, and your focus and not the fruit. May you live up to the promises you have made and may you create for you and your loved ones the happiest New Year ever . Last year, I would not say that is not a good year but it was full of lessons. I have learned to love myself, celebrate myself, cherish people around me, and be GRATEFUL. Like I have always said, life is not a smooth journey but full of blessings and silver linings. Whatever happens, there are always have blessings in disguise. On the second day of the new year, I lost my best friend. His name is Muhammad Fazreen. W

This year ramadhan is a little bit different as i didn't have any opportunity to fast and breaking fast with my family in Kedah. Anyway it's okay eventhough is not 😅 ( what is this Solehah). People will usually say "technology kann ada". This ramadhan, alhamdulillah is one of the sweetest ramadhan I've ever had. Tarawih and sahur. Staying all by myself and need to think what to eat everyday remind me of Ibu.  Everyday she will tell me and the siblings " ibu tak tau nak masak apa". Through out this ramadhan, i have experience lots of things. Again there is a "thing" that I try to safe but i failed. Ooops ! not fail but blessing in disguise and alhamdulillah i come back stronger. 2021 Syawal is the same as last year. I celebrated my raya with my aunty and relatives. Alhamdulillah i am not alone here. Luckily i am still bless with a family here. If not means, Solehah will cry a river 😂 and whole of Petaling district will be flooded by my tears

Dearest Kak Elly, Kak Syuhada, Kak Lisa, It's hard to believed that all of you are no longer  with me in the office. Means i can't scream anymore Kak Lisa ! Kak Syu ! Kak Elly ! No more kak weh, my heart in pain. Kak wehh, i feel so down. Kak wehhh hangpa nak makan apa. Kak wehhh kami nak kawin 🤣. I do misses all of this screaming. It feel so quite here in the office. Dear kak elly, i missed your laugh and our counseling session, our breakfast time our chit chat time. I just don't know how many times I've been crying to you. The funniest was i felt for Lee 🤣🤭 Dear kak syu, if you are reading this, i missed our roti canai session, our chit chat. Chit chat ke gossip? 🤣🤣 Sitting next to you when we were in the accounts department was fun. We write letters, short notes even though we sit next to each other 🤣 i still remember i called you from kedah and say that HE is getting married Hahahaha. Our favourite song, teman bahagia. We karoeke in the office when we work on

Unconsciously, we have been living with Covid-19 for one year. MCO, CMCO has been implemented. One of the SOP that is very hard to adhere is we are not allowed to interstate. Its very hard since i lived far away from family and i believed lots of people out there are also is facing the same thing. I can't complain nor I can't say anything. This pandemic has make me thinking, either i should go back and settle down in Kedah with my parents. Video call? Not same as touching and hugging your parents. Anyway, lets pray that this pandemic will ended soon. As usual, be better live well 💞 Much love,  n.solehahwahab

Gong Xi Fa Chai to all my chinese friends and happy holidays for the others. This year CNY, i manage to celebrate with the Moo's family. We have been celebrating CNY every year together but since my family moved to Kedah we couldn't do that. Anyway video call kan ada 🤭 I have known Moo's family since i was inside my mom's tummy which is mean this year, marked 28 years we have known each other. Before that, since i was small i was given a chinese name, Moo Swee Leng. Sweet as Nurul Solehah right 🤭Having them is one of a blessings from Almighty. They are my neigbour when we were.staying in Ampang. They are very helpful. When my mom went for her driving course, aunty nenek will look after me untill my school bus come and pick me up to sekolah agama. When my father did his bypass, they help with attending with school related. Collect report card, (It is a blessing also ibu could not attend parents day as i am at